Habits can Make or Break You

Habits are insidious. They take root and blossom in our lives, for better and for worse, mostly unconsciously.

Our most rooted habits are born of the environments and people we are exposed to at a young age

Use this understanding with awareness in raising your children.  Good habits that are formed early in life will serve them well. That way, when they develop to the point where they can exercise choice in creating their own habits, they will have a platform of good habits as a launching pad.

Habits form the structure of our lives

We are neurologically wired for habits and could not function without them. Choice is always available to us in the habits that sustain our lives, but most of us do not often exercise this freedom of will.

Habits come in many forms.  There are action habits, such as when we sleep and wake, what, when and how we eat and drink, how we spend our time, and our habitual verbal responses to others.  There are mental habits, such as how we think about ourselves or others, how we view certain situations or cultures, what we tend to notice or to not notice, and what we mentally tell ourselves.  We also have habitual, familiar ways of feeling, as well as triggers for these habitual feeling responses.

Once a negative habit takes root it takes conscious effort and willpower to create a new positive habit. It does not change of its own accord (although we act as if this will be the case sometimes!)  The longer it has had to take root, the more difficult it is to change.

How do we change habits that are not serving us well?

The first step in changing a habit is to practice noticing what your habits are. This “noticing of habits” can become a practice you engage in on a regular basis throughout your life. If the habit you are noticing is important to you, jot it down.

Unless you consciously use your will power to create something else, your present habits are creating your future life for you.

They are building your character and determining who you are becoming, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Ask yourself where each habit that matters to you is taking you.  If you continue with this habit, where will you be in 10, 20, or 30 years?

This is a very powerful, life-changing concept if put into use. Each of us has so much potential power to become who we want to be and to create what we want in life.  Habits are the building blocks. Understanding and acting on this can make or break who you are, who you become and how you feel about yourself.

Suggested Exercise: One very powerful way to change a habit is to consciously choose to do the opposite.  For example, perhaps you have a habit of inwardly ruminating on all the things you do not like about yourself.  You could start by making a list (which you continuously add to) of the things you appreciate about yourself.  Keep this positive list handy in your phone or your purse. As soon as you notice yourself engaging in the negative thinking pattern that you want to change, pull out your positive list and consciously choose to focus on these positive qualities instead.  You will notice that doing this has an uplifting effect upon your mood. By engaging in this exercise regularly, your default thinking habit about yourself will become much more positive.

With practice, you will find this becomes easier, and even automatic.  New neurological patterns will eventually supersede old negative ones.

This simple but powerful practice engages you in the process of creating and reinforcing a happier and healthier life for you, your children, and others in your daily life.

Practical Tip: Using the Pause button in changing habits

Changing a habit requires noticing as soon as possible when you are starting to engage in the old habit that you want to change.  One way to do this is to “red flag” any cues or triggers for the old habit and pair it with a mental “pause” button.

For example, perhaps you want to change your habit of yelling at your daughter every time she is late getting ready for school.  There are definite internal body sensations that precede the act of yelling. You may have an internal rush of heat, racing thoughts, or perhaps an accelerated heartbeat.

The trigger for these sensations may be the morning routine and signs that she might be running late. As soon as you notice your identified internal sensations, mentally see yourself putting your finger on a pause button and pair this with a long deep breath.  (Or, if needed, two or three long deep breaths!)

This gives you a moment to interrupt your old neurologically greased “yelling” habit before you engage in it. The deep breath helps to calm your nervous system and gives you a chance to consciously decide how you want to respond to your daughter.  Over time, she will notice the difference in your behavior, and will likely start to respond differently herself.

This practice can also be helpful for couples during difficult moments, as well as for controlling anger outbursts at work or in other interpersonal situations.